I love you
by Aoife Malfoy
Summary: HPDM Slash. AU. No HBP Spoilers. Slytherins don't do I love you's but Gryffindors do.


**Title:** I love you  
**Author:** Aoife Malfoy  
**Pairing:**H/D  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Genre:** Fluff, Angst.  
**Warnings:** AU, No HBP Spoilers. Post Hogwarts.  
**Word Count:** 1,981  
**Beta:** unbetaed for the moment  
**Disclaimer:** Property of JK Rowling. Only borrowing for my own amusement.  
**Author's Note:** I wrote fluff! gasps It has angst in it too though so I haven't completely strayed and got kidnapped by fluffy white sugar plot bunnies! giggles Hope you like it.  
**Dedication:** This is to make up for the slew of tragedy fics I wrote lately. pets Harry & Draco _There, there, my lovelies. None of you are getting killed this time._  
**Summary:** Slytherins don't do _"I love you's"_ but Gryffindors do.

Draco Malfoy sighed heavily as he Apparated into the flat he shared with Harry Potter. He had experienced what was quite possibly the worst day ever. It started off when he woke up late because he forgot to set the bloody spell last night therefore enabling him to miss some much needed breakfast. Then when he finally got to the Apothecary, it was to find five of his newly invented healing potions to be shot to Holy Hell because some wanker forgot to renew the cooling charm on them like instructed. The day just grew progressively worse from there, filled with late deliveries and missed deadlines. It was definitely one of those days where he should have just stayed at home.

"Harry? Are you here?" Draco called out into the seemingly empty flat, not really expecting an answer. Usually, Harry wasn't there to greet him when he got home. After all with his boyfriend, heading up the new Auror division in Brighton, more often than not he came home a bit later than Draco. It was also just as well since last night they had one of their worst fights ever. Draco was glad that he could have some time and space before he faced his angry boyfriend once more.

Just as he was about to shuck his coat, he saw, in the corner of his eye, a little green card propped on the kitchen counter. Curiously, he opened the small note and at once recognized his lover's handwriting. Feeling a touch of dread settle in the pit of his stomach, he read:  
_  
Draco, _

Look, we can't keep going on like this. I can't keep trying to talk to you about the things that are bothering me about this relationship, only to have you shut me out or walk out of the room just because you don't want or feel like talking about it or just to shut me up. I can't keep going through the whole rollercoaster of crying over you and then getting back with you without really resolving any of the arguments that made us mad at each other in the first place. It's always been that way. I can't remember a single fight we had that ended up with the issue being resolved.

So, I've chosen to end things because Merlin knows you never will. This is just too sweet of a deal for you. Staying with me is too convenient and safe. I don't make you compromise with me instead I let you have your way. I forgive your transgressions without any apologies, sometimes even without your acknowledgement of it. You won't be civil to my friends in the precious few encounters that you're in their presence even though you know it hurts me when you do so and all I do is just smile and excuse your behavior away. I try so hard to be the perfect one for you, hoping that one day you'll see this then return the favor and it just dawned on me yesterday that that day will never come. Because even after a year of being with me you can't even say you love me and I see now that you never will.

Now don't go thinking I have somebody else just because I have finally decided to leave. There is no one and I am still in love with you and I probably still will be for a long time. Although our time together in the end wasn't all that good, I still remember the other times we've shared and I'm happy that I have those memories. You were my first everything and I'm thankful for all the things you showed me and taught me. You're a good person and you're essentially my first love and we all know how those are always unforgettable. Letting you go is possibly the hardest thing I've ever done for letting you go is not just a one time thing. It's going to be something I have to do everyday, over and over again for the rest of my life. I'm going to really miss you...miss us but we can't go on like this. It isn't healthy and it hurts.

I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you that was never my intention. And I hope after all of this, we can still be in each other's lives. I know I would be missing half my life if it didn't have you in it in some way. In any event, I'm uncertain that I could even go through with this if it weren't for the hope that this is for the best and that we will, in time, be happier this way. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you find what you're looking for since you clearly didn't find it in me.

Love,  
Harry

With his face paling with dread, Draco stared at Harry's letter for a good minute, his mind spinning in disbelief. Did Harry just leave him? All because he couldn't say those three stupid words? Did Harry not see? Just because he was incapable of saying it doesn't mean it wasn't true!

Furious and not to mention scared shitless, Draco strode over to the fireplace and threw some floo powder in. Harry James Potter was about to get a piece of his mind!

**Hermione Granger's apartment…**

Harry stared numbly into the dancing flames on Hermione's fireplace. He had been here for the better part of the day, alternating between crying and venting. He couldn't believe he had actually done it. He had left Draco. He was hoping that things would get better now but if possible it just got even worse especially with all his friends cooing and fussing at him in his depressed state. He couldn't take the pity buried deep within their well-meaning gaze, much less the satisfaction he knew they must be feeling for being right about his and Draco's relationship all along. He sighed and was about to get up and look for more tissues when the grate suddenly danced with wild flames and a voice rang out that made Harry stop cold.

"Harry James Potter! How dare you leave me a fucking letter and steal away from me like a thief in the night!" Draco's voice rang through the living room and a second later he stepped through the grate.

Sighing deeply, Harry sat back down. Knowing now that Draco was here the ugly confrontation he was painstakingly trying to avoid was inevitable. "I don't have anything else to say to you. Please leave. I don't want to fight anymore." Harry said woodenly, his eyes trained on a spot in Hermione's carpet.

Draco's eyes softened as he finally took a minute to look at Harry. His face was blotchy and his nose was all red, no doubt from crying all day. Clearly this was hurting Harry as well. Sighing deeply, Draco carded a frustrated hand along his locks as he began to pace furiously. "Look, I didn't come here to pick a fight either. All I ask is that you listen to me."

Sighing heavily and settling more into his seat, Harry let out a small nod, knowing that this was something Draco had to do. "You can talk and I can listen but I can't guarantee that anything will change." Harry said softly, his eyes still anywhere but on Draco's.

"Fair enough." Draco conceded. Taking a deep breath, he began, "Harry, what you said- well, most of what you said is true. I have been a bastard to you at times and I have taken advantage of your giving nature as well for that I am sorry."

A small knot of tension in his stomach was soothed over this words and Harry managed to acknowledge this monumental step that Draco had taken. It was the only verbal apology he had ever heard from the Slytherin. "Thank you for that."

Draco's head whipped up to look at his lover and was anguished by the fact that Harry still wouldn't look at him. He began to pace furiously through the small apartment, his mind working fast to express his feelings to Harry and maybe by some miracle he could make him understand.

"You may find this ridiculous. In fact, I know you will since in some ways I do too but I cannot say those words because I don't know what they mean! I have never ever experienced love. The concept, the thought, the word is completely foreign to me. I thought once upon a time I knew what it was but I was mistaken and I don't ever want to make the same folly again. I was told that my love was wrong that I wasn't doing it correctly and that the things I did for it were immoral and unjustified. That's when I learned that there was a wrong way of loving someone and I don't dare make the same mistake with you." Draco said, his voice wavering when Harry still refused to meet his eyes.

"That is completely different!" Harry protested. "Your love for your father is in no way shape or form connected to what we have!" He insisted, thoroughly perturbed by the mere thought of it.

Sighing, Draco shook his head and said, "Open your mind, Harry. I am not implying anything incestuous. I just wanted to point out that the only experience I have of loving anyone is that of a son caring for his father. And you know as well as I do that didn't go too well. I lied for him. I hurt for him. I tortured others for him, but in the end, no matter how much I loved him, I still betrayed him."

Harry was about to complain loudly that the sadistic bastard deserved it but one look at Draco's fallen face kept him quiet, instead he snorted and waited for Draco to continue.

"So there, Harry, you were right. It is something I can never say because how can I say them to you when I don't know its definition? So yes, I don't know if I love you. Perhaps I will never know. All I'm sure of is that in this ever-changing world the only thing that has ever made sense to me was you and how you fit into my life and to me that has always been enough. Ever since I met you, I never questioned it. I want you in my life, as a rival, an enemy, a friend or a lover. Anything you can give me I will take. Just-just don't leave." Draco said softly as he held back tears. Feeling drained and weak, he slowly sank to the chair opposite Harry and waited for his lover to say something.

"You're a cold hearted bastard, Draco Malfoy! Emotionally stunted. Selfish and spoiled to the High Heavens. Insecure and quick tempered." Harry said as he stalked ominously towards the dejected blonde.

Then dropping down to the floor and encircling the shaking man in his arms, he went on, "But I love you. I love everything about you, even all those things I listed before that drive us apart but also eventually bring us back together. And I will keep telling you I love you as many times as you can stand to hear it because now I know in your own way you love me too." Harry whispered softly, smiling through his tears.

Draco clung gratefully to his lover, beyond relieved to find himself back in his boyfriend's arms. "But what about?" He began to ask, damning his curiosity but knowing Harry deserve much more than he was able to offer and that included someone saying that blasted sentiment he could not say.

Grinning ear to ear, Harry held Draco closer still. "They're just words, love." Harry whispered, "I have something that's worth much more."

_Finite._

**AN**1: _Harry's letter was an actual letter I wrote to my boyfriend when I was trying to leave him, trying being the operative word since I am now slated to be his wife next year headdesk_

**AN**2: _pokes fic Gawd, I suck at writing fluff. sigh_


End file.
